A Mere Disciple

SITE MOVE

2006-09-27T15:48:00.000-05:00

I have moved blogging services, my new website is: http://ameredisciple.wordpress.com.

Hope

2006-09-26T17:23:00.000-05:00

I wrote this for a dear friend of mine unassured of her future.

HOPE

The dark nights eye
ever piercing the soul
overcoming the good
ever swalowing us whole

Yet hope is the candle
ever lighting our way
holding our hearts serene
ever joyous every day

One the Way to Retreat

2006-09-21T19:17:00.000-05:00

A little bit of creative writing.

As my company and I drove along the empty country road among the fingers of the hills, I noticed how alive the place was. A recent rain had poured life into the surroundings giving them new meaning and a new hue of green. What were once faded and pale yellow strands of grass were now vibrant and alive green shoots coming from the soil; all the while enjoying themselves as they danced with the breeze. Fences made of aged wood ran alongside the road framing the beauty of the pasture, or perhaps they ran alongside the road blocking entrance, not relenting but for the touch of equal Perfection. Every so often trees would grow tall among the grass or a thicket would take hold of the ground. The trees had not seemed to change color, but became even more alive with the addition of the surrounding green in the same way my mistress' sapphire eyes come alive when she wears a formal of the same color. The hills were asleep under a blanket of green; every so often one would show its barren rock to remind the world of its presence. Glances at the tops of the hills showed a lonely sky for the sun had already fallen below the height of the hills. The sky that was visible was still draped in blue; however, the edges of the hills hinted of the glorious sun. I drank in the clear air and engulfed the greenery. I sat in wonder of that grandeur place and marveled that God created man long after He created those hills, and only after man was created did God say "very good." It is beyond my comprehension that man once was, and will be again, endlessly more magnificent than that perfect assembly of the hills and trees. The conductor God himself brought us unknowingly to the end of the valley and to the peak of the hill carrying of us, and in a grand crescendo of harmonious symphony He revealed to us an immense span of land below and an endless sky above. Starting from the left, all was green, patches of soft smooth grassland faded into rough groves of trees. A river of midnight blue patiently wound its way through the land, softly embracing the earth. The horizon began on the left smooth and newborn and became aged and wise as it traveled right into the hills. A beautiful collision occurred at the horizon where the deep green of the land met the somber pastel lavender of the sky. Above the horizon was a sky painted with a deep shade of sapphire virgin to the eyes of man. Only in the crest of the sky did the color of noon still linger. To my far right were two titanic clouds dwarfed only by the immensity of the sky. They were lone vessels sailing to places unknown and unmapped. Occasionally small wisps of cloud would mark the heavens. This was God's canvas on which he would paint the setting sun. The sun was at my right, a magnificent ball of yellow from which flowed its splendor. Flaming reds and vibrant oranges were reflected in the giant clouds, and the surrounding sky was lavished in ruby and peach. Pinks were painted on the wisps of cloud. The celebration stretched even to the west, where a tuft of cloud glowed rose. The somber pastel lavender of the horizon and the glistening gold of the sun were wed. The deep passionate sapphire and graceful ladylike pink kissed into one. The sun and the sky were in union with a rejoicing of color. I imbibed the soiree, and could only echo the words of a companion of mine, "Yay God."

Until the Day

2006-09-20T00:26:00.000-05:00

This is a poem I wrote for a friend awhile ago.

Until the Day

I refuse to be just another
Grey face in the life of a sufferer
And I refuse to be another
Someone who isnt someone to her

Cus there are times in her life I wish I could take her fight
And let her live a happy life on stage in the ballet

But not much works with a 1231 mile barrier
In the middle
Even though our friendship
Does anything but dwindle

I wait for the day
I see her face
And pull her tight
And tell her not to cry

See what haunts me most
Is in my role as the hero
I cant save the day
Or even take the pain away

Its always been my job
To save the one getting robbed
By a thief in the night
Holding a knife shining bright

So until the day I see her
I hope she will not waiver
And I hope that all my prayers
Wont go unnoticed, without answer

Why is my heart wanting?

2006-08-26T17:46:00.000-05:00

I wrote this poem after I had willingy given myself over to sin. I desperatly wanted to feel guilt for it, to feel bad. Without the guilt, it was very hard for me to feel any sense of grace, however I know that His grace is more than sufficient.

I long for her reeling hand
The reeling touch of shame
So to know that I am mortal
To know that I am maimed

Guilt not my companion
How am I to abide?!
If inside my squalid soul
Guilt you shall not find

Baneful is my marrow
Pestilent is my life
How I ever yearn for her,
Disgrace, to be my wife

Cannot I agonize?!
You prostitute! you whore!
These stones I throw upon
Myself, torpid numb gore

I act amply evil
Yet only ever gaze
As if outside myself
I cant embrace this shame

My soul's suitor speaks
"My Grace is abounding"
If I know this to suffice,
why is my heart wanting?

Advice for a Friend

2006-08-26T17:26:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine asked me this question:

"If you could tell me any four things to do to be a better person, what would they be?"

I replied with this:

1. Love people, all people, every day, all day, as if they were the most important thing in your life.

2. Humble yourselfin a way that makes you look at people like you have an opportunity to learn something incredibly profound from them every time you listen to them.

3. Have a servants heart.

4. Willing serve people in a way so that you become a fragrant sacrifice.

I really want to add the words "second only to Christ" at the end of number one, because thats true for me (and makes the statement true for me), but the person I was talking to at the time, wasn't a christian, and has very new and fragile ideas about God. The last thing I wanted to do was bear the gospel down upon him in a way to make him unreceptive.

Adagio in Verse

2006-05-10T01:14:00.000-05:00

Most of the writitng I do is not very poetic. However, I would very much like to develop a poetic, or more generally, a creative writing style of my own. Philosophy and logic can be so dreadfully boring at times. Here is a sample of a verse that I recently wrote:

Adagio in Verse

The next moment I see you, if I could reach up to the heavens and hold time still, I would. For there is no greater moment than the one where I first see you, and by holding time still I would have this great moment last without any of the pressures that time posseses. And only when we are content to continue with time would we, for that moment we share would be ours and ours alone.

I titled it Adagio in Verse. An adagio is a slow passage or movement usually associated with music. A verse is any art or work of a poet. While this is not music, it is a slow and sweeping verse. One to drift in and with you at its own slow pace.

Continuing Grief

2006-04-21T03:03:00.000-05:00

My grief still continues for the loss of my dear brother in Christ. It seems like the pain is more real now. This beast has now firmly sank its fangs into my flesh, the sharp points are not just looming anymore. I have tried dearly for this not to invade other parts of my life, but it has and there is no way for me to stop it. I am tired, sad, and depressed. And I am tired of being tired, sad, and depressed. I have cried out to God WHY?! but have not yet had a reply. I am not sure that I will ever know the answer to my question. This is a very real pain that wont leave. It dampers all my emotions, including love and happiness. It is as if a blanket has been thrown over my emotions. I can still seem them, but they are blurry and unclear, and there is no way to reach them. I dearly wish I could have them back, I despretly do! Hope in most things is fleeting, however I do still have hope in God that He will sustain me. Praise His name for He is good and His love endures forever! I ask anyone who is reading this for their prayers as I walk - no - crawl down this dark, depressing, and lonely road.

The Problem with Proving Christianity

2006-04-21T02:43:00.000-05:00

I started this as a topic on philosophyforums.com. Here is the link.

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This might need to be in the scriptual issues subforum, but I wasnt sure so I posted it here. For this topic to be somewhat civil, all participants will on some level need to suspend their disbelief for a time and entertain the thought that christianity could possibly be true about God, Christ, and Redemption. Whenver I mention or appeal to the belief that christianity is true I am speaking only about God, Christ, and Redemption. All other beliefs, doctrine, and dogma are secondary for the purpose of this topic and should not be considered. That being said, I will get to my argument.

IF there is unrefutable evidence supporting the idea that christianity is true about God (creator of the universe, omnipotent, etc.), Christ (beggotten of God and Savior of man) and Redemption (only through Christ) then proving such would be a contradiction on the basis that a blind faith is needed for salvation and one cannot have blind faith with unrefutable evidence.

Now I will say that there are many logical and reasoned philosophies about the existence of God, and they are very useful to some people to help them have a faith. A common trait shared by all these philosophies is that they are refutable, and cannot be empirically proven. At some place in every christians faith, a blind faith exists.

This blind faith requires a certain part of the person to invest in it for the person must suspend disbelief in order to have a blind faith, or the person must simply just believe with no evidence aiding them. A blind faith requires one to have just that, a blind faith. It holds a certain amount of weight so to speak. The person must without evidence simply believe. As I mentioned before, at some place in every christians faith, a blind faith exists. Now if there existed empirical evidence proving christianity to be true (Im not sure what this evidence would look like - but this is beside the point) then my argument is that it would be sufficient enought to diminish the importance of blind faith which in turn is the key to salvation according to the christian faith. Faith in Christ is what is needed for salvation according to the christian faith, but would a faith that has been proven hold any weight toward salvation?

Here is an example. I know that the sky is blue because I have faith that the sky is blue but have never looked up. Let me take it a step further. I have been inside a building with no windows or avenue to see the sky but have heard from many outside sources that the sky is blue. So I have faith that the sky is blue. I finally walk outside and look up and realize that the sky is indeed blue. What would be the purpose of my faith at this point. It would hold no weight at all. Just as a christians faith would hold no weight if there was unrefutable evidence for the truth of christianity. It would be very easy for me to believe now because the sky has been proven to be blue through me looking at it. Just as it would be very easy for me to believe the Christian faith if it is has been proven to be true through empirical evidence.

To conclude, blind faith is required for salvation according to the christian faith. If unrefutable empirical evidence existed, than this would be sufficient in diminishing blind faith, thus diminishing the importance of blind faith in salvation.

I will be out of town for a few days, but I look forward to coming back to hear your replies.

-a mere disciple

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I would love to hear anyones replies on this if infact anyone is reading this!

Kentucky Board of Education and a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken have about the same amount of intelligence...

2006-04-18T01:18:00.000-05:00

I just found out that the Kentucky Board of Education has proposed legislature that would change the way america measures time. BC (Before Christ) and AD (Anno Domini - "In the year of our Lord) would be replaced with BCE (Before Common Era) and CE (Common Era). It takes a certain amount of gaul to challenge a system that has been in place 2000 years, but it takes a fool to challenge the same system that was also created by possibly the worlds greates society ever... That would be the Romans for anyone who doesnt know. This is silly... Why dont we change our system of math as well, it was pioneered by people who happened to be christian...

My point: There are people out there who know that the church violates the first ammendment and can prove it. Then there are people out there who know that they are being oppressed from their first ammendment right to express religous views and can prove it, and the argument stopped being about the first ammendment and religous expression a long time ago. Its now about who is smarter and can pick the next fight faster and with better cause. And honestly... I DONT CARE...

Sometimes I surprise myself....

2006-04-08T14:00:00.000-05:00

I was just rereading some of my previous posts, and I was surprised by myself. Some of the posts dont really sound like me at all, and most of the time, infact almost all of the time, while I am writing I dont think I write very well. But some of my previous posts - know that I am REALLY not trying to sound arrogant or prideful - are better and sound more honest and well written that I thought. I have always had doubts that I could be a writer, maybe know I should start pursuing it more thouroughly and with more possibility...

Reply to disgruntled agnostic:

2006-04-08T13:53:00.000-05:00

ORIGINAL POST:

In my eyes religion and everyone associated with it can be grouped into two main catagories.

Catagory 1: This is the catagory most fit into. The people who fit into this catagory are the ones who NEED religion, who use it as an answer, something to help them sleep better. The people in this catagory use religion as an answer to questions otherwise un-answerable, such as, how we came to be and what will happen to us when we die. Now none of us can honestly say we haven't pondered such things before, however, not all of us take the easy way out (religion). Religion tells these people "when you die you will go to heaven or hell, depending on how good you are before you die" or "when you die you will be reincarnated as something and what you are reincarnated as depends on how you live your life" or "god created everything". But you gotta wonder..who created god? Do you see what im getting at? Every religion says they are the TRUE religion and that every other religion is wrong. But how do they know thier religion is at all true? Faith..they all have faith. But what is faith? Faith is merely an excuse made up by people in this catagory to covor up for the fact that they have no actual evidence that the religion or god(s) they follow is (are) real. But they dont want to admit that their relgion might be a total lie because then what would they do? They would be lost and confused. Every religion might be wrong, and then again, every religion might be right. NO ONE KNOW'S, and you can't honestly say "my religion is the true religion, I just know it is, I have faith" so stop.

Catagory 2: This is the catagory that creates war and violence where it need not be. In this catagory fit the power hungry and corupt who use religion as an excuse to kill and create chaos and havok.

I have shared my view on religion with you all and I hope it has enlightened you at least a little bit. Now I would like to be enlightened, please share your views on religion with me as I have with you.

MY REPLY:

Everything that you just said can be applied to most philosophies as well. "something to help them sleep better..."

Now to your question "who created God?", I have this reply. This slippery slope is a common argument among atheits against theists, or more generally, it's a common argument among people who dont appeal to a belief that there is a supreme deity that exists outside of our dimension of time against people who do appeal to this belief. The slippery slope can be reciprocated, and one could ask any atheist or existentialist what started evolution or the big bang, or more generally, what started the universe as we know it, and then as a result ask what started their reply. Your are correct however, in saying that this is unknowable. Not a single person knows how the universe began and any evidence they claim to have about it's (the universe's) origins is inductive. Now I am fully aware that modern technology has helped many scientists uncover valuable information on the possible origins of the universe, but I will remind you of the slippery slope that I mentioned before. In this vacuum of deductive knowledge, faith is originated. The belief in something. Faith must not be equated solely with religion; for many people have faith in their own particular philosophies, which can be passionatly areligous. And faith is not solely about the universe, God, or religion; you can (and I hope you do) have faith that the next cab you step into will reach its destination safely.

It is not sound to say that "every religion says it is the true religion and that every other religion is wrong." Many religious beliefs overlap and in some cases one can "receive the benefits" of one religion while still appealing to the beliefs of another seperate religion. Now I think you are probably specifically speaking about Christianity or Judaism, although I believe it is probably the former. If this is the case, I think (although I have not brushed up on my fallacies in a few months) that you are commiting the straw man fallacy. Misrepresenting what some people have said to make their argument seem obviously unnaceptable.

Now this is where I will reveal myself and say that I am a Christian, and that I have (what I believe) is a relationship with God and I believe (now let me remind you that I said believe and not know) that Jesus of Nazareth died on a cross and became alive three days later. I am more than willing to admit to you or anyone that christianity could be wrong and statistically is not favored over any other religion or system of beliefs to be correct, but I will again say that from this possiblity of falsehood is the purpose of my faith. What purpose would faith have if there was deductive evidence on the topic to which the faith is applied? What purpose would it serve if someone was to say they know that the sky is blue because they have faith the sky is blue, but have never looked up? I dont know anything, but as a result, I have faith. Do I sleep better because I have faith in God and Jesus? Maybe, some people believe they do, but there are many people who sleep just as well who have faith in evolution or the big bag or who appeal to the beliefs of existentialism.

Now your argument overall lends itself to the fallacy of collective terms. Often used in economics when one makes generalazations about a larger group or society from a small group or society. In both categories you applied specific traits to those who have religous beliefs. There are people who agree with and will say exactly what you have quoted, but you cannot apply that label to all who share common beliefs with said people.

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I have finally ended my drought! Maybe this will kickstart me to start posting on a regular basis again... I sure hope so.

blogging hiatus

2006-03-30T17:09:00.000-06:00

Its hard to write when you dont think you really have anything to say.... I guess Im on sort of a hiatus right now, however, I dont mean to be...? I dont know.... Hope to be updating more often shortly.

The loss of a friend

2006-03-24T17:04:00.000-06:00

What can I say but say that part of me has been taken. A dear friend and brother in Christ passed away over two weeks ago; only now do I feel somewhat sober about the situation as to try and put words to it. I have been telling people for the past two weeks that there are no words for how this feels. In this situation, words are just that... words... The pain feels more real than anything else I have ever felt. Its as if someone ripped a very real part of me, a part of my very being, out and left the torn stringy sinew of my soul unbandaged. A dull ache still resides there this very day, and I cannot know when it will leave.

The Purpose Driven Life - Chapters 12 - 14

2006-02-28T12:58:00.000-06:00

Chapter 12 - Developing your Friendship with God.

Warren says genuine friendship is built on disclosure. Warren talks about Psalms being a worship manual. David pours out his complaints before God. All of Gods close friends - Moses, David , Abraham, Job, and others - had bouts with doubt. While we are still friends with God, He is our King and we are to follow Him. "Friends of God tell their friends about God." Warren says, "The truth is, you are as close to God as you choose to be." We are as close to God as we choose to be. Its up to you, not God to define your relationship. He is willing to go as far as you are. Well what does that look like? What does growing close to God look like? Does it happen when you are alone or in church or when you are with friends? My answer to all these questions is this: yes. It happens all the time; every second of every day, and has thousands of appearances. Try talking to God at random intervals during the day, or try talking to God - notice I havent been saying praying - at the end of the day about your day. I didnt use the word pray because praying sometimes makes me think "I am here and He is there" - and that is very much not the truth. Just talk. Good fellowship is the key to a healthy relationship with God.

Chapter 13 - Worship that pleases God.

Your worship to God should be authentic. Warren says, "Heartless praise is not praise at all!" I believe him. A very good friend of mine knows that as well, and as a result, wont go to worship when he doesnt feel like he will get anything out of it. And I can understand his reasoning, but later in this chapter Warren says, "When you dont feel like it, when you get out of bed to worship when you're tired, or when you help others when you are worn out, you are offering a sacrifice of worship to God. That pleases God." I wish I couldve been there to tell my friend that when he needed it. I think that it would have made alot of sense to him.

I skipped over a part of the chapter where Warren talks about authentic worship. So many times we worship an image of God that we have created, and Warren calls that idolatry. "Worship must be based on the truth of scripture, not our opinions about God," says Warren. I think it is very important for us to worship God as he is - to worship Him as he is revealed in the bible. Let us not change our opinoin of God, because they were never opinions in the first place.

Chapter 14 - When God seems distant

I think this is the best chapter - by far - that Warren has written. I wish I could quote the entire chapter for you to read, it just oozes wisdom (I just might have to spend a few more posts on this chapter). "The deepest level of worship is praising God in spite of pain, thanking God during a trial, trusting Him when tempted, surrendering while suffering, and loving Him when he seems distant." What a poignant statement. The deepest level of worship is worshiping God when there is no feeling of closeness to Him, no spiritual goosebumps. The deepest level of worship is when we worship God solely out of faith, for pure faith - blind faith - takes much more of us than when we have a feeling to propel our faith. When worshiping, dont seek an expierence, seek God. Dont for a second think that if you dont "feel" God when you are worshiping, that God is not there. There is no better way to worship God than in that moment.

Homosexuality

2006-02-27T15:21:00.000-06:00

Real Live Preacher left a comment on his blog about homosexuality (see it here). I have been posting about how I feel on homosexuality and in response to me, this post was left:

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A mere disciple--

I really appreciate your thoughts and sincerity on this matter. I have followed your train of thought, and the reasons for why you believe the way you do. For a long time, the issue of homosexuality has seemed like a black and white issue for me. However, I was introduced to the fact of people created as "intersexed", after which the whole issue of sexuality became extremely grey. You may know this, but there are a number of variations to intersexed people-- and these are folks who are born with a combination of both male and female reproductive parts and genitalia. For a long time I thought God created man in his own image as "male and female", but this threw a monkey-wrench into that train of thought. Now I'm not exactly sure what to think of all of it, and wonder if you have any thoughts on how "intersexed" people fit into all of this? Most don't consider themselves entirely male or female, so what are we to say of them and any potential relationships they may have?

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I responded with what is below, it was a little more than what the above question asked, but it fits in with RLP's post on homosexuality.

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Sorry it has taken me this long to respond, its easy to miss new comments here, espicially when they arent just added to the bottom.
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Let me start by saying this: God will not judge you for what he has not given you. For those He gives much to, He expects much out of. If God gives one man athletic ability, I believe it would wrong for him not to use it - I want to clarify and say that I am referring to a man with supreme athletic ability, not the person who is the best football player in the schoolhouse. Just as a man who has been given a very bright mind; I believe it wrong for him not to use it. One way of praising God is by using the gifts He has given us for His glory and the service of others.
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Now, there is another perspective to this. Just as we are supposed to use the gifts we have been given, we cannot use the gifts we dont have. Physical dissablilities would fall into this category. God does not expect a man in a wheel chair to play competitive soccer. Now praise God if that man finds a way and has the determination, fortitude, and perserverence to accomplish that, but every man in a wheel chair will not be expected by God to do the actions to the extent of a man who is not in a wheelchair. A mentally disabled man is not expected by God to be as knowledgable and intellegent as a man with great understanding and insight. Praise God if that occurs though.
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I dont think a man or woman who has been born with part of each (male and female) reproductive parts will be expected by God to perform or act in the same manner as those who have just male or female reproductive parts. As for the manner in which they should act, I do not know, let it be up to God and that person.
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Now the common response to this would be that homosexual people should not be judged in conjunction with hetereosexual people because they were born that way. However, homosexuality is not a degree of hetereosexuality like a physical dissablity is a degree of physical ability. Being physically disabled limits a persons physical ability. Homosexuality does not limit a persons sexual ability, a homosexual man (assuming the man is in good physical health) still has the ability to have sex with a woman. It is not a limit, but (I believe) a misuse. Just as it would be a misuse for an athletic person not to use their athletic ability.
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Now I would like to go one step further. Lets say the athletic person (remember he has supreme ability) has an addiction to alcohol handed to him from many generations of heavy drinking and drunkeness. The man (if it is Gods will) should be able to overcome the addiction, with the help of God. This is supposing that the role God has made this man to play on this earth is to be an athlete, if he is to be something else, such as a business man, the addiction still hampers his ability. Now read what I am about to say very closely; it is very much the point that I am trying to make:
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Only through God's neverending grace will the athletic man cure his addiction. To help him along the way, he needs positive encouragement from the people around him. Those people should look past his addiction and show him grace and love, which at more times than not, translates into the people around him not talking or conversating about the addiction this man has. Only through God's neverending grace will a homosexual man become heterosexaul. And I believe it the duty of the people around him to - more times than not- not talk about the man being homosexual but be a positive encouragement in his relationship with God.
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I believe homosexuality is a result of the fall of man. Its part of the scar tissue that results from us breaking our promise to God. It has been passed to us by Adam and Eve, but only a few of us get it. Just as, only certain people in a family will be born addicted to alcohol or drugs if their parents used them. Sometimes none at all become addicted, and sometimes many become addicted. Its not for me to decide, and the only pattern I believe it follows is that of Gods will (which no human mind will ever understand).
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Notes:
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Please know that if you are a homosexual and reading this that I was as gentle as possible. I realize addiction is a harsh word, please do not take it the wrong way. It is not my job to condone you or judge you. I would however, like to break bread with you and put our differences aside to get to know you. I could be all wrong about this, and I firmly believe that I could be all wrong about this. Knowing that, a belief (which might not even be correct) is secondary to my desire to respect, honor, and get to know you.
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I used the term man for the vast majority of this post. I believe the same can be applied if a woman were the case. And for the women reading: please dont think Im sexist! I have a deep respect for women and the reason I used the term man is because I am a man that is the term that I am used to.
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I sincerly hope I did not offend anyone by anything I said here. As I said before, this belief is secondary to the belief that I am to respect, honor, and serve everyone despite their beliefs.
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-a mere disciple

Confession

2006-02-23T18:21:00.000-06:00

In Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller has a chapter called Confession. It was maybe the best chapter of anything I have ever read. In it, Don talks about how he had the dumb idea of building a confession booth in the middle of Reed College's campus during their annual drunken festival called Ren Fayre. He was joking, but one of his friends took it seriously, and made plans for just that. There was a catch, they would not be accepting confessions, they would be the ones confessing to everyone else. Don said he confessed to about 30 people that night... He said he felt so refreshed after that night. So.... here it goes...

Im sorry for not loving the woman I love with all that I am. Im sorry for judging people, espicially those who are wiser than me. Im sorry for being selfish, prideful, lazy, complacent, jealous, impatient, angry. Im sorry for continuously being lustful over and over and over again.... Im sorry for taking my frustrations out on those whom I love and care about. Im sorry for not giving a friend of mine the suprise birthday party she deserves.... I got her a book (which is about the most impersonal thing I could've done). Im sorry for not giving my brother what he deserves for his birthday. Im sorry for not loving Jesus. Im sorry for not being more bold in spreading my faith. Im sorry for not being as charitable to the homeless and needy. Im sorry for the bullhorn guys on the street corner telling you that you are going to hell. Im sorry for not defending those who need defending. Im sorry for not loving my family the way that I should. Im sorry for all those people out there who call themselves christians, but are quick to convict and are quick to judge. Im sorry for those christian organizations like the American Family Association who tell you how to think and act. Im sorry for people in church who tell you how to vote or what God wants or what God doesnt want you to do. Im sorry that christianity has turned into such an institution... Im sorry for every christian who has turned you off of christianity. Im sorry for being arrogant. Im sorry for thinking Im better than some people. Im sorry that Im such a selflish, lowly piece of crap person compared to the one that I should be. Im sorry that I cant love everyone in my life the way God wants me too.... Im sorry for bashing Rick Warren. Im sorry I cant tell you how I really feel. Im sorry for ignoring those people who really need a hug or a shoulder to cry on or who just someone to listen to. Im sorry for thinking some people are annoying, and therefore ignoring them. Im sorry for not trusting in God. Im sorry for not thanking Jesus and loving Jesus every day of my life. Im sorry that Im not perfect, Im sorry that no matter how hard I try, I cant be perfect. Im sorry that I cant fix this world or end poverty or war or aids or cancer or birth defects or crime or rape or hate. Im sorry for hating. Im sorry that this world has to be this way, that I cant even make the smallest of differences to impact peoples lives. Im sorry for being insignificant for not changing this world. Im sorry for not feeding or clothing the poor. Im sorry for not giving to God what he deserves. Im sorry for worrying I wont have enough money or time, and therefore being selfish with them. Im sorry Im even writing this. Im sorry Im fake sometimes, almost all the time. Im sorry this is all I have to offer you... Im sorry women arent respected the way that they should be. Im sorry that fathers cant love their children, espicially their daughters. Im sorry for the scars that broken fathers leave on their daughters. Im sorry that I can hardly ever trust in God. Im sorry that I cant even seem to confess right, Im sorry that Im imperfect. Im sorry that I think Im better or smarter than God. Im sorry that Im sorry. Im sorry for disrespecting the woman I love. Im sorry for disobeying God and going somewhere where I wasnt supposed to go. Im sorry for associating myself with the poeple that I shouldnt be with. Im sorry for entertaing the ideas of being selfish and unkind. Im sorry that I cant seem to do anything right. Im sorry I quit football all those years ago in high school. Im sorry I let down my parents. Im sorry for all the christian people out there who have hurt anybody. Im sorry for getting in the way of Christ. Im sorry for not letting him take total control of my life. Im sorry for all this. Please forgive me.

A few minutes have passed.

I reread this to myself, outloud, just like Don confessed outloud to the poeple at Reed. By the time I was done, I wasn't confessing to people, but to God. And I wasnt speaking outloud, but mumbling between sobs. I asked God for forgivness... Silence was all that was returned... My thoughts wandered and as I cried out to hear Gods voice, 1 John 4 became a whisp of a thought, and then it was gone.

A few minutes have passed.

Much happiness has been brought to me. Here is 1 John 4. I have bolded what spoke to me the most:

1 John 4

Test the Spirits

¹Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. ²This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, ³but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world.

⁴You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. ⁵They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. ⁶We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit of truth and the spirit of falsehood.

God's Love and Ours

⁷Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹²No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

¹³We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. ¹⁴And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. ¹⁵If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. ¹⁶And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. ¹⁷In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. ¹⁸There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

¹⁹We love because he first loved us. ²⁰If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. ²¹And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.

The Purpose Driven Life - Chapters 6 - 11

2006-02-23T15:43:00.000-06:00

Chapters 6-11

Warren has finally talked about Jesus. And I like that. He talked about making God smile, and I like that as well.

Chapter 6 - Let us never forget that our life on this earth is small and tiny and short. And earth is just a flake of blue dust against the giant backdrop of Gods universe.

Chapter 7 - The reason for everything is Him. It is all for His glory. I recently watched a video of Louie Giglio, and he says that the universe is far too big for its entire purpose to be life on this planet. He says the universe is far to big for its entire purpose to be life at all. Giglio thinks that the entire purpose of the universe is to show of the glory of God. And I like that. The universe is God's portfolio, snapshot after snapshot of His glory.

Chapter 8 - "The moment you were born into this world, God was there as an unseen witness, smiling at your birth." For all the things that Warren has said that I dont like, I might like this the most. God smiled at your birth. At every childs birth. Smiling out of love. God abides in His love for us. And one of the greatest pleasures to Him is for you to abide in His love.

Chapter 9 - Warren talks extensily about Noah, and how God was pleased with his life. God was so pleased; He used Noah to repopulate the earth. "We enjoy what God has done for us, and when we express that ejoyment to God, it brings Him joy - but it also increases our joy." Praising God is a recipricating action, that is, when we praise God, and therefore please Him, He fills us with pleasure.

Chapter 10 - Surrender.... Its a very hard thing for people do. But its where our relationship with God starts, at our surrender and acceptance of His forgivness. God offers us a relationship based on Love, and because of the nature of love, does not force it upon us. We have to surrender, and it is then, it the moment of surrender, that God comes upon us in a titanic way. God meets us there, at the bottom of these filthes of lives, and saves and forgives us.

Chapter 11 - "God wants to be your best friend." God's relationship with each of us can take on many different looks. He can be a teacher, disciplinarian, father, mentor, and many others. But all the time, God wants to be our friend. Talk to God throughout the day; talk as if he is sitting next to you in your car or in your room. Talk as you would talk to a friend, because thats what God is. Dont forget to meditate, so you may listen to God as well. He does have input for your life. Take time out of every day, doesnt even have to be at one sitting, to listen to Him. He wants the best for you and can give you the best advice out of anyone.

Blue Like Jazz

2006-02-17T16:52:00.000-06:00

I've been reading Donald Millers Blue Like Jazz recently. At one point he talks about how he was leading a college group at a church in Houston. He had just recently graduated high school. At first he honored the position, but soon found himself lusting for the attention. "I almost drowned in it" Miller says. Miller soon felt like a phony...

At the beginning of the following chapter Miller says this: "Sooner of later you just figure out there are some guys who don't believe in God and they can prove He doesn't exist, and some other guys who do believe in God and they can prove He does exist, and the argument stopped being about God a long time ago and now it's about who is smarter, and honestly I don't care."

I didn't even notice it. I didn't notice the slow, painfully slow creep of intellectual arrogance come about me. It happened in less than a week. I guess I could say that it started when I finished Mere Christianity, but it was probably there the entire time I was devouring that book. I'm not leading any worship, but I could feel the same mentality Miller held. I would read not to learn about God, but to be ready to tell some intellectual about the complexity of God. I'm working on an essay right now about experiencing God and having knowledge of God. About how they are separate and you need both. You can have all the wisdom and knowledge and understanding of God in the world, but without experiencing God, you become empty. I was starting to run low...

Last night I sat three feet from the woman I love and argued with a book, or maybe even nothing at all, about God rewarding us in Heaven. I sat there trying to argue with the absent Rick Warren about his book. When did the argument stop being about God and start being about which one of us is smarter? What's worse about it, this was a one sided argument... When did it stop being about God and start being about me being smarter than Rick Warren? My partner told me that I was over-analyzing the text; she asked me where I saw myself in the pages. I gave her some half hearted reply about Hezekiah and a verse from Luke just so I could continue to argue - with myself.

Reading the quote from Blue Like Jazz wasn't God slapping me in the face because well, getting slapped hurts, and I've been slapped by God before... And it hurt. It was like a cold drink on a hot day, or getting cold water thrown in your face by a friend when you were acting dumb. It was the bombshell feeling of jumping in a freezing pool after being in a boiling hot tub; it was jolting but invigorating at the same time.

Now I don't want to make this sound like I had a gigantic revelation about my faith. I had a good faith before, and I loved God. But it was invigorating, it gave me a cold drink on a hot day...

The Purpose Driven Life - Chapter 5

2006-02-17T13:35:00.000-06:00

Chapter 5 - Seeing life from God's View

I originally started writing this entry with an objective look at Warren's book, just like I have every other entry. Well frankly I'm tired of being objective about this book. Let me talk about the things I did like in this chapter before I talk about the things I didn't like.

I liked how he talked about Hezekiah; I have been in that situation before, and I went the wrong way. I ran from God, and was swallowed by a whale for 18 months, only just to be recently spit up. I liked how Warren used this quote from Luke: "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." If you have been blessed with many things, you will have a hard road... I have yet to find out most of God's blessings, as a result, I'm not sure how my path will look. I'm not sure whether it will be like balancing on a blade, or trudging through the trees. That is part of the reason that I wanted to start this book.

As for the things I didn't like: I wish this book was more scripture based, offering entire versus or chapters instead of taking a section of a verse. Taking sections of versus allows a vast amount of room for liberal interpretation. And whether Warren meant to or not, misinterpretation would be very easy quoting scripture in that way. He says in Appendix 3, "my model for this is Jesus and how he and the apostles quoted the Old Testament. They often just quoted a phrase to make a point." The Apostles were hand picked by God to transcribe for God His word in the New Testament, and Jesus, well, is Jesus. Warren has put himself on a very high pedestal and included himself in a very selective group of people taking the same kind of liberty that They did.

Warren keeps referring to the idea that you are rewarded in Heaven for your passing of the tests in your life. He says, "Every time you pass a test, God notices and makes plans to reward you in eternity." I can't entertain the idea that God will reward some people more than others based on their works on earth. If each person has a different role in Heaven (which is a likely possibility, it is eternity, I can imagine that we would be doing something, but then again, I don't have any idea at all) then I would like to think that it is because God bases his role for us in eternity on the character he has created for us, not how we as imperfect beings have used it. I would like to think that our roles in Heaven (if we end up having roles, I really have no idea) would fit our character perfectly, and not a single person would complain or be unhappy with their position. It would be each person's perfect job. (Sound familiar, Karl Marx had that idea... A little creepy and funny at the same time, isn't it?)

The Purpose Driven Life - Chapter 4

2006-02-16T11:32:00.000-06:00

Chapter 4 - Made to last forever

In this chpater Warren tells the reader that you are made to last forver, in eternity. Warren says, "When you fully comprehend that there is more to life than just here and now, and you realize that life is just preparation for eternity, you will begin to live differently." He goes on to tell the reader that your your values will change, you will use your time and money more sparingly. I dont have much to write on this chapter because there isnt much to write about... Warren spends four pages talking about eternity with God and one word about the reason that we will get there. The one word is salvation. That is the only time that Christ is even mentioned as our Savior. Warren is missing the entire point of grace. The only reason we have a chance to spend eternity in Heaven is because Jesus died for your and my sins. If this is a book aimed at non-christians and new christians, grace needs to be one of the staples. "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God, not by works so that no one can boast" (Ephesians 2:8,9). In a chapter telling us about how we will spend eternity, God's grace should be made known.

The Purpose Driven Life - Chapter 3

2006-02-15T00:49:00.000-06:00

Chapter 3 - What drives your life?

Warren spends a good part of this chapter talking about what drives peoples lives. Some are driven by fear, others by material things, and others by guilt. Warren says that your life needs to be driven by purpose. "Knowing your purpose gives meaning to your life." Later on in the chapter, when he is discussing your purpose motivating your life, Warren says, "It is usually meaningless work, not overwork, that wears us down, saps our strength, and robs our joy." There is a great amount of wisdom in that statement. I often find myself being more tired after chores and work that I don't want to do than I do after playing ultimate frisbee or working out. Warren says, "You weren't put on this earth to be remembered." I would much like to be remembered after I die. I want to leave a legacy on this earth, especially to my children. However, I hope and pray that my legacy does not dominate my life. I hope that when I am before the Lord, that my legacy on earth is by far in second place to my love for God.

At the end of the chapter Warren talks about the 2 questions you will be asked when you are before the Lord. The first is, "What did you do with my son, Jesus Christ?" The second is, "What did you do with what I gave you? Warren then says this, "The first question will determine where you spend eternity. The second question will determine what you do in eternity." What I do in eternity? I never entertained the idea that I would have a job or purpose in eternity... Not that I would be meaningless, but that I wouldn't have a purpose, everything would be provided for by God. He would not need me to do anything. This is something to ponder, perhaps I will write more about it tomorrow...

The Purpose Driven Life - Chapter 2 - with a side trip...

2006-02-14T01:46:00.000-06:00

Chapter 2 - You are not an accident.

You are not an accident. This is Warrens first line. He talks extensively about how your life has meaning, about how your existence and everything in your past was planned, just as everything in your future is planned. "God never does things accidentally, and he never makes mistakes." Warren then tells the reader that God's love was the driving force behind our creation. We have been created so He can love us. Warren talks about the phrase, "God is Love." God does not have love, he is love. God isn't lonely, he has a perfect relationship in the Trinity, so God didn't need to create you. "But He wanted to make you in order to express His love."

I am going to depart for a minute and talk about the phrase "God is Love." (1 John 4:8) C. S. Lewis discusses this phrase in Mere Christianity, which is where most of the following ideas originate. If you believe in the phrase God is Love, then you would most likely believe in God. And most people who believe in God believe He has always existed. Now think about the phrase God is Love. Love, by nature, requires a minimum of one thing with some form of a mind. This thing has to give the love toward something else, although that something else does not have to be a living thing. Many people love their houses or cars, and we all know that houses and cars are most definitely not living things. If God is Love, and God has always existed, then before He created this magnificent universe we live in, God was still Love. If no matter existed, cars and houses included, and God was still Love, then by nature something else had to be in existence. Since matter had not been created yet, there had to be another living Being alongside God. This could not be just any being; this had to be a part of God, for God is Love. He gives his love toward the Second Part of Himself, otherwise He would only have love. This Second Part to God is Christ, God's son. Now don't let the father and son label we apply to God and Christ fool you because that is the best way to describe God's and Christ's relationship that we humans know. God and Christ have always existed together, but that is another discussion for another time. The Third part of God is The Holy Spirit, but that is also another discussion for another time.

Returning to Warren's book, he seems intent on telling the reader that we have a profound meaning, and "We discover that meaning and purpose only when we make God the reference point of our lives." I believe that each of us has a profound meaning, known to God, and at the right time, God will reveal our custom fit plans to each of us.

The Purpose Driven Life - Chapter 1

2006-02-13T00:57:00.000-06:00

Chapter 1 - It all starts with God

The first words in the first chapter of Rick Warren's book are "It's not about you." It's not about you, or me, or anybody. Warren says that "you must begin with God." Warren tells us that many self-help books are oriented around just that, the self. Self help books help many people accomplish many things, but, according to Warren, "being successful and fulfilling your life's purpose are not the same thing." He says that speculation is the main avenue people travel when discovering their purpose in life. Questions like what would I be good at, or what makes me happy are all on the list. Dr. Hugh Moorhead, philosophy professor at Northeastern Illinois University, asked 250 of the worlds greatest thinkers, what is the meaning of life, and published a book on the answers these men and women gave. (The Meaning of Life - Hugh Moorhead, the end of this books printing has given it prices over $50.) In short, none of them gave a clear answer. Clearly speculation is not the way. Warren then says that there is another way people can discover life's purpose, which is revelation. That God will reveal his plan for you to you, so you may carry it out to glorify Him.

This first chapter strikes me as an introduction, an orientation of sorts. I have been born and raised christian, so I have the feeling that I am already oriented. That being said, it is refreshing to read these words. It isnt about me. It is about God, and only in God can one discover one's purpose.

As Iron Sharpens Iron

2006-02-03T20:21:00.000-06:00

I was recenlty invited to a bible study at a different church than I regularly attend. The speaker was absent so we watched his lecture recorded from a previous night. He was a very knowledgeable man with good wisdom on the topic of temptation. At the end of his lecture, we discussed with the people at our table questions presented to us. There were six or seven of us sitting at this table, and the potential for some quality discussion and fellowship was there. Whenever I attend a bible study with the potential for intimate discussion, I think of Proverbs 27:17: as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. The potential was never realized; one of the members spent 90% of the time talking. In hindsight I came to two seperate conclusions. One being he likes the sound of his own voice, and the other he was ignorant to the amount of time he spent speaking. I hope and pray that a man who loves God with the passion that this man claims (and I believe his claims to be true from the little time that I spent with him) would not enjoy the sound of his own voice so much as to take away from the time of others who meant to share and fellowship. That is being selfish and selfishness is a vice that can lead a person down dark pathways. I imagine that it was the latter of my two conjectures, yet this presents a new dilema. I wont say anything to him next week (or probably the week after), but if I do I will try and be as gentle as possible. He had some very wise things to say, but yet his wisdom being shared should not be the focal point of the group discusion; one leader is needed, not two. This is the point that Im getting at, when talking to someone who is naive or ignorant to when he or she is being off-balance, a good amount of respect (yet not so much as to dilute the point of the conversation) is needed, or that person might react in a negative way. Being painfully honest with somone, especially someone whom you just met, is not an effective way to make your point. Honest but respectful criticism is a great way for Christians to sharpen each others character. Remember that Proverbs 27:17 says, as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. To sharpen iron with iron, it must be used in a particular way. As much harm can come from misuse of this motion as good can. So the next time you expose a person to his or her being wrong or off-balance in hopes to sharpen his or her character, be respectful and controlled, dont attack or castigate, for out of your cause to sharpen his or her character a blunting effect can occur.

Introduction

2006-02-03T01:57:00.000-06:00

I guess I should begin this thing by saying you will probably never know my real name, but you will know just about everything else about me. This is my first entry into an ongoing anonymous blog. When I started writing this blog; I began by telling you what I am studying and how old I am, but I don’t think I will reveal those things quite yet. What I will reveal to you is this: I am a Christian, (If you are not a Christian and reading this, please let go of any stereotypes you may have held or have entertained; I am neither here to judge you nor tell you how to live. I respect your ability and right to believe what you do; lets chat, I just want to get to know you) and I believe the real essence of Christianity can be summarized by this:

Our Father God in heaven, who created us in His own image, sent His perfect Son, part God and part man, to die for you so that ALL your sins may be forgiven. Three days after God’s son, Jesus, died, and after conquering death and satan himself, rose from the grave and into heaven. He now waits there for you and me, and will return one day in umatched glory to take us home to be with Him for eternity.

The reason for the annonymity I mentioned early is so I will have no reasons or excuses for not pouring my heart and soul into this. I will give you (as a preacher from San Antonio put it) my God words (and probably more than that), and I hope that you will return with yours. Please don’t be shy; I will treat your God words with the tendermost hand I can. What I do ask from you though is your honesty, and that you leave your own thumbprint on the words you bring and leave here. For when words have no meaning, that is, no essence or spiritual or emotional residue from the authour; they become flat, and they reduce to nothing more than what they actually are…words.

I have recently started (recently meaning 20 minutes from the time I began writing this) to journey into the book The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. My partner, who happens to be a woman that I deeply care about and who is in love with Christ, decided to join me not long after. I will be sharing my thoughts and expierences about my journey over the next 40 days here; however, I don’t think I will be sharing any of my partners, for they are her God words. Those God words are precious to her, belong to her alone, and are her’s to share and not mine. As I close my introduction to you, I pray for God’s blessing upon you and the people who are dear to you. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9. Go in peace.

-A Mere Disciple